What to do now!
by ickleails
Summary: A Penelope Fic based on series 5, with all that was going on Penelope decides a fresh start someplace new is required. Angst and hopefully romance. If you lucky will become a M/G later one.
1. Chapter 1

A/N- so here is lovely angst filled rambling. man i am so much in an angsty mood, the bunnies are hopping around like made. Important note- i do own Criminal minds, just my imagination...

The wind rattled her window as the rain crashed down while her heart broke. Her own tears came fast and furiously as she curled herself up into a small ball draped in a fleece. She knew loneliness, it had been a constant companion for too many years to count but here she was reaching a whole new level of it one that she didn't even knew existed. And it was all Morgan fault. That man would have and had driven her to despair. How she needed him, craved his presence and then to have him treat her like nothing but a subordinate. Anger mixed with nausea battled within her in conjunction with the feeling of hopelessness that consumed her like a wild fire. Her mind drifting back to the previous events of the day.

_She watched him glide across the room, his walk and gait full of importance and determination. She plastered a smile on in an attempt to try and re-establish some sort of normalcy in their frayed relationship. Opening her mouth to make some sort of quip she found herself staring at a cold man who brushed past her without even seeing her. She knew she wasn't wearing some sort of invisibility cloak and the scarlet sweater she wore definitely made it hard for someone with eye sight to miss her. Her heart plummeted to her purple knee high boots as he handed a folder to Reid and cracked a mindless joke with Emily. Tears stung her eyes and clutching the folder she held to her chest she shuffled back into her sanctuary kicking the door closed with her heel. _

She knew that they had been drifting but she never realised that they had become different continents. When did he become so icy and why had she not seen this coming. Throwing the fleece off she reached over and grabbed several tissues. Wiping her face dry and blowing her nose nosily she untwisted her legs from under her and stood up. Grabbing the fleece she headed to her bedroom pushing the beaded curtain aside as she went.

Curling up in her bed she closed her eyes knowing sleep was MIA. Instead she allowed her mind to wander and ponder. Derek had been her best friend fast approaching 6 years. Before him she truly never had someone she could confide in. She had been an outcast as a child, a strange oddity in the California school system, her love of computers and codes setting her apart from all others. Her brothers considered her unimportant and a nuisance in general and even after 12 years of not seeing them she still felt their coldness profoundly. In reality it was her mother who knew her the greatest and was truly her childhood best friend. Her heart still ached for her lost parents and what could have been.

But what ached her the most was knowing that her heart belonged to the man who would not even make eye contact any more. She had unwilling given it to him many years ago and she had no idea if she could ever reclaim it. She watched him dance and flirt with so many beauties. She heard all about his dates; the good, the bad and the down right ugly. She provided her shoulder and her mind to help him. She was at his beck and call and she hated that idea that she was dependent on a man- or was that dependent. It had been months now since they last shared banter or any form of chatter. On the phone it was purely professional, all sir's and Garcia's, she could not remember the last time she heard baby girl be uttered. With each passing day her heart splintered anew. She knew she was close to her heart shattering into millions of shards and no number of all the kings horses and all the king's men would be able to repair her damage. She knew she needed to do something and do it fast. Rolling over onto her back she stared up at her ceiling where she had neon stars in place. The reality of what she had to do was making her nausea worse. Their were her family; brothers and sisters. Before them she was lost and friendless and their welcomed her in and gave her home. But now she had no alternative, the truth was she had leave and the sooner the better.

_**So should this be a one shot or be contiuned.... i am not sure myself....**_


	2. Chances

**AN- well the plot bunnies made me do this.... Please remember that I am Scottish and I may not have all the information correct regarding America and their federal agencies.**

Nervously she inhaled a deep breath and rapped the door with her tensed knuckles.

"come in" said the icy voice.

Tentatively Penelope entered Strauss office.

"Mam" she stated taking a step closer to her mahogany desk.

"what can I do for you Ms Garcia" she said pen poised in her hand as she peered over her half moon spectacles.

Without a sound she handed over the envelope. Strauss accepted it while all the time watching the nerves play openly on her unmade face. Never in her years here had she seen Penelope so plain and dowdy looking. There was no bright clothes, no accessories there was just a woman in a grey suit and black blouse. She didn't even think she owned such attire. Using her antique silver letter opener she split the seal and withdrew the crisp sheet of paper. Unfolding it she allowed her eyes to fall to the lettering.

"are you sure?" she asked finishing the letter of resignation.

"I feel my time has came to an end here and I am eager to broaden my knowledge and acquire new challenges." she stated nervously.

"Does the rest of the team know your plans?"

"No they do not and really it is none of their business what I do and where I go and I would like to keep it that way."

"Certainty but have you fully thought this out. You would be leaving the bureau and your friends"

"I am aware of that"

"Do you have a job lined up some place else?"

Penelope averted her eyes, "No."

"If you are sure that this is what you want I cannot stop you. However I hope you realise just what an assert you are to the bureau and to the BAU."

"Thank you Mam"

"In saying that a close friend of mine who works in homeland security is looking for someone with your specialise skills in the secret service as an analyst. The job would be based in DC. Interested?"

Garcia stood there in shock her whole body primed for leaving and instead was being handed another job opportunity.

"The job requires someone to start immediately, so it would really be a form of a transfer. No notice to work then."

Garcia mind rapidly processed the given information and was able to come to one conclusion.

"When do I start?" she said with a slight smile.

Leaving the room she started to head back to the bullpen, she knew she needed to say something but what? As she entered she was nearly knocked over by a frantic Reid.

"Hey Garcia missed you at the briefing. Got a case in Idaho, wheels up in 30, got to go. See you later."

The pen was empty, everyone had left. Maybe it was really a blessing she thought sinking down into the nearest chair.


	3. Moving on

A/N- thanks for all the reviews. My angst bunnies are breeding away like well bunnies and are hopping mad......so enjoy.....

Her new papers arrived the following day while she sat primed in front of her babies along with Tammy who was going to be her replacement. Showing her the ropes and educating her on protocols and such like she felt dread fill her and on more than on occasion she had to remind herself that it was all for the best. She still hadn't told the team, yes she was in contact with them but they were in the middle of an exceptionally nasty case and she did not want to distract them, well that is what she told herself.

As Tammy disappeared of for lunch she opened her papers. Reading down them she noted that she was due to start on the following Monday and as it was Friday that was not given her much time to find an apartment, pack and move. Sighing she leaned back knowing that she was going to have a busy weekend ahead of her.

Strauss stopped at Penelope room and walked in uninvited.

"Got you paperwork I see" she said nodding to the bundle on her desk.

"Really, start Monday but this case...."

"As of 5pm tonight you will no longer be an employee of the FBI, please hand in security pass and enjoy your new post. I'll ensure that the team is told on their return. Will I tell them how to contact you?"

"ummm please no. But what about the case?"

"Tammy is capable enough. Do not worry. Farewell Ms Garcia." and with that she left.

The shrill of her phone brought her back to reality and with that she placed the button and spoke.

*****

The weekend passed in a blur. The secret service was able to provide her with apartment listing and recommendation's and with that she rashly rented a place on first viewing on Saturday and then spent Sunday moving her belongings to Georgetown. And now it was Sunday night and she stared out of her new bay windows that overlooked the Potomac river and watched as the sunset. She was not ready for the next day but then she deduced would she ever. To prepare herself she had taken some drastic actions, out went the flamboyant clothes and in came sensible wear and to top it off she dyed her hair Carmel blonde and removed any evidence of pink. She needed this, a complete fresh start with a complete fresh image. All her colour and energy had left when Derek walked away from their friendship and all they did was to remind her of what she had lost. Here she was determined to not be the girl any more.

"I hope Garcia okay?" commented JJ late on Sunday as they started to pack away the case, each one of them desperate to return home.

"Yeah it's not like Garcia to take time off" added Rossi snapping his briefcase shut.

"mind you that locum wasn't too bad" commented Reid, "but she wasn't Garcia."

"Well we will get to see her tomorrow" said Hotch shrugging on his suit jacket.

During this whole time Morgan remained silent his thoughts somewhat preoccupied with his new lady in his life; one Tamara. His silence did not go amiss with his team mates. They had watched the relationship splinter before their eyes and even though no one had said anything they missed the banter, the nauseating filtration but they all truly expected a reunion any day. How could they not it was clear to everyone expect the two involved that they were meant to be; a soul mates.

The next morning arrived, fresh and crisp. The team had arrived home in the early hours had been given the morning off to recuperate while Garcia now stood nervously in human resources awaiting her new security pass and ID.


	4. Hello and Goodbye

**A/N~ I am so on a roll, scary biscuits. Please enjoy this one.....the next updated will be in 2010 as I am on night shift for the next 3 nights. **

"Welcome Ms Garcia, I am Bethany Baker I will be supervisor and in here." she said swinging open two large set doors that led into a large bullpen, lined wall to wall with computers, plasma and every new piece of available technology. "Is where you will be working along with 4 other analysts. We do team working here and every morning at 9am we have a briefing where we assign our daily tasks. Let me introduce you to the team mates."

Garcia followed her down the slope and watched as every eye in the room turned to face her with curiosity.

Waving her hand to the guy closer to her left, she said, "this is Matt Jenkins."

"Call me Jenkins" he said in a gruff southern accent waving a hand. He was tall, broad man with curly brown hair and a strong jaw.

"and this is Maggie Riley" she said indicating the only other female analyst in the room who looked to be in her early 30's.

"Hey you" she said swinging around in her seat. She was a little person with raven black hair that reached her waist with an infectious grin. Penelope felt at ease and thought maybe here was someone she could become friends with.

"This is Nigel Stevens" she said indicating the surly black man in his 40's who just shrugged his shoulders as a hello.

"Nigel is not the most talkative guy" Bethany commented rolling her eyes.

"Last but not least, this is Tony Decker".

A handsome black guy in his late 20's grinned back at her. "Welcome to the hole" he said waving his arm around the room.

"Guys this is Penelope Garcia the new analyst, please show her the ropes" and with that Bethany left.

Garcia eyes roamed around the room until she found the empty station. Grinning she wandered over and made herself comfortable. All eyes expect Nigel's followed her. Smoothing down her grey trousers and adjusting her white blouse she booted up the machine in front of her. Time to get familiar with the system she thought as she pushed a Carmel lock of hair behind her ear.

Morgan pushed open the door as he chatted inanely to Reid about nothing specific. Emily and JJ followed close behind with JJ retelling a Henry tale. At the centre of the Bullpen stood Strauss with her arms folded over her chest.

"Did it just get cold in here?" commented Rossi bringing up the rear with Hotch at his side.

"Conference room now" spoke Strauss turning around at heading up the stairs.

"She has got to be having a laugh, we can't seriously have another case already" sighed Emily trudging forward, the others following in her wake.

As they all took their seats, weary eyes fixed on their superior, superior. Tammy slipped in at the end and leaned against the now closed door. She knew their world was about to be shaken.

"Erin we are all exhausted...."

"I don't have a case for you, I do however have some information regarding team dynamics to tell you."

"What?" said Hotch his eyes narrowing.

"As of today your technical analyst assigned to the unit will be Ms Tamsyn Moore."

"What!" chorused around the room.

"where is Garcia?" asked Rossi.

"Excuse me" said Hotch

While both Emily and JJ said in unison, "where is Pen?"

"Garcia?" stated Reid

While Morgan world collapsed. This was surreal he thought.

Strauss held up a hand.

"Ms Penelope Garcia has been redeployed...."

"you did not?" spat out Hotch.

"...at her request" finished Strauss.

The room went quiet with that truth.

"Ms Garcia approached me last week with the plan to resign I however managed to obtain her a transfer to another federal agency."

Strauss turned to leave when Morgan decided to open his mouth.

"Where is she?" he asked.

Turning around as she pulled open the door, "that is confidential at Ms Garcia request. She asked me not to reveal that information. Before you asked I do not know why she wanted to keep it a secret all I know is that she did. Now make Ms Moore welcome" she said nodding to the new tech.

The team looked at each other, crest fallen and confused when a slight cough drew their attention to the young red haired woman in the corner.

"I am sorry for your loss. The few days I worked with Penelope was a true pleasure. I am not here to replace her but to do a job." and with that she turned around and walked at the conference room.

"did anyone see this coming" asked Rossi.

All heads went from side to side.

"She can't be gone" said JJ tears glistening in her eyes searching for someone to tell her it was some nasty prank. Reid reached over silently and squeezed her arm.

Emily found her eyes searching out Hotch's seeking unknown answers. Hotch took her hand in his own strong one and gently squeezed hoping to convey some strength to the broken woman at his side.

Morgan stared out into space, his world crumbling and his heart shattering. What have happened, where did his baby girl go and why. So many questions rushed his mind. Guilt slipped in as he tried to remember the last conversation he had with Penelope and with a heart wrenching realisation he could not remember. Work and Tamara had consumed him and took over his entire life and somewhere along the line Garcia had been pushed out. When did that happened he cursed himself. Standing up angrily he stormed out the room and into his own office slamming the door behind him.

His anger boiled as his fist collided with the wall. She was gone but deep down he knew he had lost her a long time ago but he was just accepting that fact now. Tears burned his cheek as a deep ache tore in his chest. Reaching his desk he yanked open the friendship drawer and pulled out the framed photo of his baby girl and collapsed back into the seat. Weariness settled in as he traced a finger across the glass cheek of the photo. "I'm sorry" he mumbled as the last piece of his heart and soul smashed to smithereens. There he sat staring in deathly silence at the picture before him until darkness fell and his tears had dried up.


	5. 7 days

A/N- not very happy with this one maybe it has something to do with lack of sleep. Just a wee piece of feelings.

Friday rolled around and with no new cases along with being grounded the week had been slow and deathly quiet. Morgan spent his days immersed in paperwork, losing himself in letters and numbers, trying to block out his feelings. During the working hours numbness shrouded him. However It was the hours of darkness that ripped at his soul.

Here he was once again sitting in the heavy darkness of his home with Clooney at his side and a glass of scotch in his hand. Anger had faded into emptiness. For the first part of the week he smashed so many dishes that he knew he would have to buy a whole new set. Shouting and screaming into the empty air, demanding answers and begging for hope could be heard on the outside. And now here he was shutting everyone out no more than Tamara. Since his return he had been refusing to accept her calls or to answer the door to her. She was not the woman he wanted to see. Now he was numb and a shell of the once confident and flirty man he had been. Even through the shouting had ceased the anger still burned furiously within his soul.

Yet if anyone was to ask why he was so broken he could not provide an answer other than he had lost his best friend. And he directed his anger purely on Penelope and the overwhelming sense of abandonment he felt. 'How could she?' he would ask Clooney time and time again. Deep down in the recesses of his soul he knew that it was something more than just abandonment that was causing the ache in his heart but denial was his friend and he welcomed it's protective cloak. Even now he could not comprehend the real reason for his distress. To realise would have been too painful so instead he held onto his anger and disgust at all of Penelope actions.

Friday night had rolled around for Penelope, she had found it weird settling into this new role. She was so used to working solo that this team playing was a new concept for her. She had kept quiet and busy at her work. Maggie and Tony had tried desperately to make conversation with her but all they got was a slight smile that never quite reached her eyes and a few mumbled words. However despite her behaviour she now found herself sitting in a classy wine bar a few streets away from her residence with Maggie, Tony and Jenkins. Nigel had grunted no as he shuffled out for the night. She didn't know what to say, she just didn't want to speak about her past and her past was all that was on her mind. Soon she realised she didn't need to say much instead she sat there sipping a glass of rosy wine while the others bantered amongst themselves. She was glad for the distraction of inane chatter.

"Hey Penny " shouted Jenkins from across the small round table. "Where did you come from?"

She felt her throat constrict and Maggie noticed this. "Hey Jenkins that leggy blonde is eyeing you up"

And with that his head wiped around and the question was forgotten. Penelope gave Maggie a slight smile which was returned with a small nod of understanding. She suspected she had found a new friend in Maggie. Maybe one day she would tell them the story but for right now she needed to move forward and not be reminded of it.


	6. 3 months later

**3 months later...**

"Good morning gang" bellowed Penelope as she bounced into 'the hole'. Tossing her over sized purple bag under her desk she plopped herself into her seat. The last three months had allowed her to gain a new perspective on herself and she was beginning to accept that she was a strong, capable woman even if her dreams both waken and asleep were filled with one man and one man only. She had allowed her hair to grow long, reaching now roughly mid way down her back, the bonus of having fast growing hair and it had remained a rich Carmel colour with subtle blond highlights . Without meaning too weight had slipped off her as a direct result of stress, however her curves remained. Her fashion style was verging on being sedate with a twist. Her true colourful self was starting to blossom through, little hints here and there; a colourful bag, an eccentric brooch.

Staring around the room she took in her work colleagues. It had taken time but she was now feeling as if she was being accepted. Maggie had instantly taken a shine to her and now their close friends, regularly going shopping and chatting away. Maggie was exactly the friend that Penelope needed at this time. Someone with energy and passion to hopefully remind her of her true self. Yet even now no one knew her history, she was a closed book. Personally she had used her own computer skills to cover any trace of herself from cyber world expect what she wanted them to see.

**That night**

Morgan groaned as he tossed the completed report into the 'done' box. Exhaustion was playing heavily in his life. It had been nearly 3 months since the nightmares had changed. No longer where there about cases and the people involved whether directly or indirectly but now they starred only one person time and time again. Each night the a variation of a same dream would intrude his fitful sleep bringing with it panic and overwhelming loneliness. Each night he watched his girl walk away from him without a backward glance and run into the arms of some tall stranger without a face. He didn't need a face to know he was smirking at him, gloating at the fact that he had his baby girl while he stood there all alone.

"Hey you should go home?" said Emily walking into his office.

Closing his eyes he rubbed his weary face.

"Now" she said

Morgan glared at her, "I'll go home when I am ready to go home..."

"Well go ahead and burn yourself out, she is not here any more and you need to accept that before the men in the white coats come for you." bit Emily as she spun on her heels and exited the office.

Sighing to himself he knew she was right. Without Garcia his sanity was in severe danger of becoming lost. But how does one live without a heart????


	7. Situations

**A/N * whistle***

**another 3 months....**

"We have a situation in Quantico!" announced senior agent Samson Rogers.

Agent Bethany Baker (who supervised the technical analysts) answered the man who had just barged abruptly into her office. "What sort of situation?" clasping her hands in front of her she leaned forward ever so slightly.

Rogers without a word shut the door behind him and took the vacant seat across the desk from Baker.

"The FBI down there has been successfully hacked." he quietly said.

"But they have one of the most sophisticated systems around"

"We know and that why we think we have a mole within the agency. No one but someone from the inside could have breached the security that's in place. Ms Garcia made sure of that before she left them."

"What do they want from us?" she asked leaning back in her chair and raising a well defined eyebrow.

"They need 2 of our finest analysts to go there and do their thing and aid in apprehending this mole and determine what exactly was accessed. Who would you recommend?"

"No question there the ladies are by far the best and they work fantastically well together,"

"That would be analyst Margaret Riley and analyst Penelope Garica you are talking about then."

"Yes Maggie and Penny would be the best for the job. When are they expecting them?"

"ASAP"

" okay, So what unit are they to go too?" she asked standing up and slipping on her suit jacket.

"Well Ms Garica is not going to like this..."

"You are kidding me, the behavioural analysis unit."

"Yeah, you swap her for one of the guys"

Sighing she closed her eyes she knew from the personal file she had to view on employment commencement just what Garica history was with the BAU.

"she is the best for the job even more so that she has an intricate understanding and knowledge of the system."

"So I'll leave you to inform them."

"wuss" she muttered under her breath as she headed down to the 'hole'.


	8. ACK!

A/N ;)

"Maggie, Penny I need to see the two of you in my office. Bring your belongings."

The two friends shared a look and mutual shrug of the shoulders as they log off and collected their stuff. Walking along the corridor their nerves along with curiosity grew within them both.

"Got a clue?" asked Penny playing nervously with a Carmel lock.

"A raise for our obvious superior brilliance in everything." Maggie said with a hopefully grin

A nervous giggle broke out from the two of them as their reached the office door, knocking their waited for their invitation.

"Please sit" Baker said grinning. Waiting until their looked comfortable she spoke.

"We have had a request for our 2 top analysts to be seconded to another agency who has just been hacked, in a very impressive manner and they are suspicious that they have a mole. Hence the outside support."

"Oh" said Maggie raising her eyebrows.

"Who has requested us?" said Penelope squirming in her seat, a feeling of dread slowing growing in the pit of her stomach.

Baker squared her shoulders and looked them directly in the face.

"The request has come directly from the FBI in Quantico." She watched as Garcia face silently dropped.

"To be exact the B.A.U"

Garcia felt her ragged breaths getting caught in her throat, as her pulse pounded in her arteries. This was a bad dream, nightmare, not real.

Maggie stared over at her friends ashen face, confusion etched on her face.

"I am sorry to tell you that your presence in required ASAP."

"okay" answered Maggie accepting the written assignment details. half pulling and half dragging she hauled Penelope out of the office and into the ladies toilets several door away.

She watched as Penelope stood scarily still, facing the mirror. All colour had drained from her face and replaced with panic and fear. Suddenly Penny started to frantically pace the room and waving her arms.

"No way, this can't be real"

"Pen, PEN" she said grabbing her friend causing her halt. "Speak and be heard" she spoke forcefully and softly.

Penny looked down at her friend and sighed . The truth now had to come out. Leaning against the the counter top she stared at her reflection.

"Do you know I used to be a vibrant blonde with a tendency for pink streaks."

"Really"

"Yeah and I would never have been caught in something gray and drab like this." she said indicating her plain a- line grey skirt and suit jacket with sky blue fitted blouse. "I wore loud, vibrant colours. Some called me flamboyant or eccentric. I just called me Penelope. The louder was better, feathers were allowed and so were oversized accessories. I had style."

"Sounds like it, so what happened?"

"I fell in love....... with my best friend. ….... he didn't love me back."

"Ouch. What does this has to do with what we have been asked to do?"

"My best friend was SSA Derek Morgan of the B.A.U and I used to be their analyst."

"Oh, honey" she said wrapping her arms around her waist. "I am sorry, have you seen them since you left."

the heavy silence lasted a few minutes.

"I kind of left when they were on assignment without saying goodbye."

Maggie eyes went wide. "You just vanished on them."

"Yeah, I couldn't handle being around Morgan any more...." and with that Penelope started to explain all about Tamara and the end of their friendship and the crushing of her dreams. The pain was viable as the tears spilled down Penelope cheeks.

"I don't know if I can do this?" said Penny honestly with a slight pour on her tainted lips.

"Well if you want to keep your job then you kinda have to, but you won't be alone I will their the entire time and between our amazing brains we will be able to solve this hacking mystery in record time."

Garcia knew she had no option she had to face her past full on. Picking up her bag she motioned towards the door and the two of them in true charile angel style headed towards the parking garage.


	9. Help!

A/N- a bot of a teaser really.

The drive over was heavy with nervous silence. Penelope tried to focus all her attention on the road ahead and not on what she was about to face. She knew she was about to come face with anger and disappointment but a part of her realised that no matter how mad they would be with her no one would match how anger she was with herself. She knew what she did was wrong on so many levels but at the time it was her only option or so she thought.

The drive over was quicker than she could ever had imagined and here she was now flashing her ID at the gate and driving towards the FBI building and parking structure.

Maggie watched as a mirage of emotion acted out over her friends face. Fear and doubt was palpable in the air, to the point of it nearly being suffocating. She wished she could protect her friend but she knew that they was nothing she could do but be a friend.

"Here we are" whispered Penelope swallowing deeply and staring out the windscreen to the tall, drab building in front of them.

Meanwhile...

"Tammy do you have answers yet?" yelled Hotch from across the frantic bullpen, anger marring his tense face. This could not be happening. Someone hacking them and for what reason. He needed answers and he needed them yesterday.

"Sir, I sorry. I am at a lost..."

A growl emitted from deep down in his throat and Tammy hurried back into her room to keep working. Emily watched as she shuffled through some paperwork trying to find answers to the unknown question that lay before them. JJ was bustling around the bullpen, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to sort through some stuff while Reid was working on the possible suspect list which was perhaps a mile or 2 long and he had just started. While Morgan was talking to some of the high bosses trying to make sense of this along with Rossi. The tension was thick and painful. They needed help and they needed it now....


	10. almost, nearly

A/N- almost hehehehe **whistle**

The long narrow hallway seemed never ending while also surprisingly short, while each step her breath was bated and the walls edged towards her. She felt a layer of sweat sheen her skin and her face paled while flushed at the same time. She was a walking contradiction. Each and every one of her synapses fired throughout her body leaving her feeling completely and utterly on edge. Her stomach churned as her heart tried to escape her chest.

Finally they there where standing outside the bullpen glass doors. Looking in she could see the retreating backs of her formal life frantically marching into the conference room. Seeing that door closed she exhaled deeply and Maggie pushed opened the door and led the way in.

The place hadn't change, everything about it was the same, the sights, sounds even the smell. The familiar surroundings just made her heart hammer even faster. She wanted to run, escape but instead she followed closely at Maggie heels. Maggie stopped a passing guy,

"Excuse me I am looking for SSA Hotchner."

The washed out looking young guy in his 20's nodded towards the closed conference door, "Up there in the conference room."

"thanks" she replied before backing her way over towards the stairs.

Penelope froze, "Was this what a heart attack felt like?" she thought as her breath got caught in her lungs and her heart raced.

Maggie stopped and stared compassionately at her friend. She knew this was going to be hard and emotional but they had a job to do and they had to do that. Walking back over towards her friend she squeezed her hand.

"Focus on the task at hand, not the people or the history or your heart. Just the job we have been assigned."

Slowly she nodded her head and took a step forward. Her feet felt like lead as she climbed the stairs behind Maggie. The short walkway was were she felt the bile burn the back of her throat. Stopping in front of the door Maggie lifted her knuckles and harshly rapped the door.

"Enter" came the gruff commanding voice. With strength Maggie pushed the door opened while Penelope froze once again and entered into the small room crowded with people.


	11. The bunker

A/N- * whistle* some would say I am a tease. Others would....say that as well- ENJOY!

Maggie briskly walked in tossing her long raven hair over her shoulder. Solemnly studying the sea of faces before her she addressed the room as a whole.

"SSA Hotchner?"

"Yes, that would be me" answered Hotch stepping forward. A grimace marred his face while his brow furrowed. "You are?"

Reaching out her hand and shaking Hotch's one firmly, "I am technical analyst Maggie Riley, secret service, one of two who has been assigned to assist you in your... somewhat situation." with that she pushed her ID into Hotch out stretched hand. "Someone by the name of Strauss notified our boss and you have been sent the two top analyst in the business. If I do say so myself."

"Well I only see one of you?" noted Rossi crossing his arms across his chest.

Looking back at the open door she briefly dropped her eyes before fixing her face and turning back to them.

"My colleague is outside most likely on the phone at this time. Probably ensuring the safety off the president or something." Maggie lied trying deeply to protect her friend from what she knew she would have to face at some point during this day.

"Well let me briefly introduce you to my team. This is SSA David Rossi..." David nodded his head,

"SSA Emily Prentiss" Emily raised her hand and gave a slight wave of acknowledgement.

"Our media liaison agent, Jennifer Jareau"

"please it's JJ"

"SSA Derek Morgan"

Maggie eyes dilated a tad at seeing the object of her friends dreams and nightmares. The man that broke her heart and was completely clueless about it all.

"Hey" was his simple reply without really looking at Maggie. Maggie couldn't help but admire his handsome features and strong solid body. He was like a rock.

"Finally our analyst Tammy Moore."

"Whatever you need, just ask!"

"Thanks but want we need is access"

"My lab is yours" replied Tammy looking over towards Hotch. Seeing him nod slightly she started to head towards the door, while the team remained where there where discussing what little findings there had.

Penelope legs were taking root as she listened but not really hearing the exchange within the room. She wanted to move. In fact she wanted to run like the wind to her nice soft, warm bed and curl up under her covers and pretend that this was all a crazy, horrible dream. But alas here she was fighting down a renewed wave of nausea and a surge of panic. How could she do her job when they realise who she is? The guilt was slowly consuming her. I should have said goodbye. She thought sadly realising that the past was the past and could not be changed.

Maggie walked out the room with Tammy close at her heels.

"Oh there you are, Ms Moore was going to show us where we could work from." said Maggie nudging her friend out of her self inflicted trance.

Penelope exhaled as she gave a brief nod and turned on her heel and started to follow the two ladies down the stairs and to her old 'bunker'.

Entering it was both strangely familiar and alien. Gone was the fluff and the feathers and they was pink in sight. Stumbling forward she took one of the seats while Maggie found herself in front of the second screen.

Tammy seeing the determination etched on their faces backed up the room.

Flexing their fingers their looked at each other.

"we have a job to do!" stated Maggie

"Yeah a job" replied Penelope quietly

"we deal with whatever afterwards but right now let's do out thing."

and with that both sets of fingers started to dance and fly over the keyboard.

* * *


	12. Just doing a job!

A/N- oopss did I miss out Reid in the last chapter......here is the next instalment..... don't hate me....

Minutes ticked by and Penelope furiously focused on the task at hand, effectively blocking out the world around her. Here she was just her and her beloved babies. Her fingers flew over the keys striking the right ones in the correct order while information upon information sharply appeared on the monitors before her.

Emily stifled a yawn, she had metaphorically pulled the short straw to go and see if they had any leads or answers yet. Knocking on the door as she pushed it open she entered the crowded room.

"Hey anything to report?" she asked staring at the two hunched over figures, noting that the two of the larger figures ceased when she spoke. She couldn't help but assess her body language that screamed frightened, vulnerable and on full alert. Why? She thought to herself, would an analyst from the secret service react in such a way.

Maggie spun around in her chair and with a planted grin spoke, "When we ANY information we will notify you- okay! Thank you!" and using the edge of the desk pushed herself back around to face her machines.

Emily slowly backed out the room.

"News?" asked Rossi as she re- entered the conference room.

"Not yet and I wouldn't interrupt them again." she stated taking her seat, her mind jumping from the case before them and the analyst reaction. Several minutes later scratching her neck she asked,

"Does anyone know the name of the other analyst name?"

"no" echoed from every corner of the room.

"Why?" asked Hotch.

"she just seemed on edge" she replied flipping open a case file.

"mmmm"

"Bingo!" whooped Maggie as she bounced on her seat.

"What do you have?" asked Penelope sliding her chair across the floor to be at her friend side.

"I know what they were looking for and unfortunately what info they got." she said jumping down from her chair. "Need to let them know"

"Okay, I'll keep trying to trace the source." Penelope replied feeling somewhat relieved. They were one step closer to escaping, but she knew she wouldn't' get out alive, she would have to face her fears.

Maggie walked into the meeting room and observed as multiple sets of eyes stared at her. With one hand on a hip she grinned with bright eyes.

"Check your e- mails. You will have received the exact information that was obtained illegally. In short it was witness details from a recent case. We are still working on tracing the culprit. My colleague is on the case."

There was a fluster of activity as emails were checked and case files were uploaded. She watched them work for a few seconds before slipping out the room. Now was the fun part tracing the source of a skilled hacker. She knew that anyone could do it, it would Penelope.

The team realised quickly that someone was going after the sole witness of a recent case that involved a serial rapist. Dispatching themselves to her protection they left the building.

While Penelope and Maggie continued their chase in heated silence. The air thick with the tension of the pending capture.

A/N I am so mean at times.... ;)


	13. elation

A/N- sorry for the massive delay, between not being well (loaded with a cold), to going to London for the weekend for my birthday (ack I have changed into another decade) and my mind has wandered from writing to reading..... so blame the other writers for their fabby stories.

"you can run but you can't hide you little troll," muttered Penelope screwing up her face as she chased the baddie through his evil maze. "Your good, but you are not that good" she hissed delving down a worm hole following his trail of destruction.

Time ticked by as the dynamic duo continued their pursuit until finally.

"BAM! You little rodent gottcha!" squealed Penelope spinning right round in her chair. Maggie clapped her hands furiously together. "You know his identify?"

"He is Roger Philips an annoying eejit who happens to be the technical analyst for the white collar mob. And from his recent back statements he is doing rather well for a simple analyst. It so happens that the unsub brother has been heartily donating his money to said analyst. Maggie we have him!"

The two woman high five before Maggie jumped from her chair. "If you want I'll phone the details in?" she asked pausing hoping that maybe Penelope was so pumped she would jump at the chance. But as her words hit the air she saw her friend deflating and retreating back into her self contained fort. Inwardly groaning she grabbed the handset and punched in the number.

"Hotch!" came the voice of authority.

"Hey Maggie here, We know who it is?"

"Speak?"

"the analyst from white collar called Roger Philips. Your unsub brother has been paying him large sums of money and our back trace has identified him as your perp."

"thanks" and with that she was met with dead air.

"So can we go?" asked Penelope eagerly standing up, her eyes begging for a yes.

Somewhat fabricating the truth, Maggie shook her head. "Sorry Hotch wants us to wait until the witness is safe and Philips is in jail. In case we need to delve some more." averting her eyes she pushed down her guilt she was doing this for the good of her friend even if she won't see it that way.

'Please don't be long" she whispered to herself.

The take down was text book perfect. The brother was apprehended, the analyst was cuffed and the witness was safe. The team was well chuffed and everyone was elated at the outcome. The team entered the bullpen in high spirits, the laughter and the banter bounced off the walls as Maggie walked out of the bunker while Penelope remained hidden as always.

"Well done Maggie" boomed Rossi giving a wide grin.

"Hey" said Emily spinning around on her heels, "Is your colleague there, sure would like to thank her as well."

"Yeah" added Hotch, "We actually haven't met her yet."

"You would like to meet my friend and colleague?" enquired Maggie peeking back at the room knowing she would be listening in.

"Sure" said Morgan with a small laugh.

"I think we need to met her" added Hotch reconsigning the aversion tactics as he took a step forward to the rather nervous looking Maggie.

"Who am I to say no then!" replied Maggie nervously.

"Girlie I think you should come out" she shouted over her shoulder to the room behind her.


	14. inner battle

A/N I know you are expecting more but hopefully soon some more will wing it's way to you guys.. ..

Wide eyed she leaned against the door frame and felt each breath painfully in chest as her heart thumped. She knew she had no place to hide and now was the time to face the music. Smoothing down her grey a- line skirt and sky blue shirt she pushed up her plain metal framed spectacles, her long Carmel curls hanging loosely around her face. Exhaling she grabbed the door and pushed herself forward. Each step was heavy and purposeful as she stepped out of the dim light into the harsh reality of the room.

Morgan was leaning back on his hands on Emily desk. His body language open and his curiosity was peaked. He watched as a red patent heel stepped out and he allowed his eyes to roam upwards. Her plain boring skirt was matched with an equally boring shirt. His eyes fell on the mass of curls that bobbed and twisted around her shoulders, shielding her face. He observed her shy demure, how she couldn't look them in the eye or even face to face. She had womanly curves that instantly caused him to reminisce about the one woman who had unwittingly stolen his heart. 'Garcia' he thought trying to prevent himself from drowning in her memory.

The months had not been kind to his shattered heart. With each passing day he continued to miss her with a passion he knew nothing off. Every time he saw a curvy woman with a halo of golden silk in bright colours he found his mouth dry and his heart right there. With each disappointment his heart splintered that little bit more. He missed her, she was his sun and stars, his joy and laughter. She made him see beauty in the dark world he inhabited. She lifted his spirits when he was crumbling. She completed the circle of his life. She was his missing link.

Hotch stepped forward and held out his hand.

"Thank you Ms..?"

Nervously shaking his hand he could feel the thin layer of sweat that graced her palm.

"You welcome" she murmured keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.

Maggie hung her head and shook it.

"What's your name?" asked JJ politely.

"My name?" she replied her nerves firing off warning sparks.

"Yeah what do your friends call you?" asked Reid.

Morgan cocked his head to the side as he and the rest of the team watched the inner battle play out in her body language. Why so secretive, he thought to himself.

"Oh crap" she hissed. They was no place to go expect honesty now. Well if I am going to go there I might as well go with flare, she thought as she dredged every remaining ounce of courage and confidence she could find.


	15. no place to hide

A/N hope you like this... maybe it's not what some of you was expecting....

"Name?" demanded Hotch folding his arms across his chest.

Raising her head she pushed the fallen locks of hair behind her ears and stared straight ahead.

"Penelope Garcia" she stated boldly.

Morgan head whipped up just like everyone else's. His eyes feasted on the woman before him barely recognisable to the woman that had left him. Gone was the flamboyant colours and rich personality. But despite this there she was before him, his baby girl. He resisted the urge to grab her and hold her close. To feel her skin against his own, her breath, her heart beat. Was she real?

Penelope shook her head gently as she tried to empty the panic from it. Rolling her shoulders she looked over at Hotch, the safest person or so she thought in the room. She saw stunned shock staring back at her.

"Hey!" she said shuffling her feet.

What felt like hours which was really least than a mere minute. She found herself pulled into a fierce hug as JJ catapulted herself on her friend. Feeling the air being squeezed from her lungs she gently and hesitantly patted JJ back.

"ARGH!" echoed in her ear as JJ pulled back and slapped her shoulder. "You just disappeared on us. What where you thinking?"

"We have been so worried" stated Emily as she reached over and hugged her surprisingly subdued friend.

Before Emily could fully pull away Reid awkwardly replaced her. "I've missed you" he whispered into her hair.

Garcia found herself furiously blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. She had forgotten just how much she had missed them. Their were her friends, her family.

Rossi rubbed her arm, "Hello stranger, it's been a while."

Hotch stepped forward and made eye contact with Penelope the first one of the group. Staring into her soul he saw real sadness and a distinct hint of panic.

"Garcia it has not been the same without you" he said pulling his friend into a close hug that caught her completely off guard. The tears couldn't be stopped as she hugged him back.

Morgan felt his shock start to melt into anger as he watch her avoid him completely as if he was not even in the room. He honestly didn't know whether to hug her or scream at her, or kiss her senseless. He was one very conflicted man.

"hello Garcia" he spat crossing his arms protectively across his chest.

Penelope froze at his words.

"Did we not deserve a goodbye? Or were we not that important to you." he said in a controlled voice.

"I..I..I.." she stuttered not able to look in his direction.

"Forget it" he dismissed as he pushed past her and stormed towards his office. For the first time in a long time she looked at him as he retreated away from her. Guilt gnawed at her while anger flared up. He was the one who first walked away from her what gives him the right to treat her like that. She thought to herself as she squared her shoulder and drew daggers at his back as he slammed his office door closed.

The remaining folk in the room watched in uncomfortable silence, exchanging quiet glances that spoke volumes.

"Maggie we should get back to the office" hissed Penelope feeling that she would not be able to hold back the floodgates for much longer.

"Woo" said Emily flinging her hand up. "I think we need some answers, we do deserve that after all."

Nervously wringing her hands."Well you do but now is not the time. I'll email you girls my new address but I have to go." and with she grabbed her belongings and fled the room with Maggie close on her heels.

"Did anyone see that coming?" asked Reid looking at each member of the team.

"Nope" answered Rossi rubbing his beard. "Not at all!"


	16. what a mess!

A/N thank you for all your reviews. Made me smile.....

She managed to hold it all together until she was in the safe confines of the car and then the tears came, fast and furiously. She felt the panic whelm up in her chest constricting her lungs.

"Breath Penny, Breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth. In and Out! Slowly does it." Maggie said soothingly as she rubbed her friends arm.

"Derek" she sobbed clutching her face in her hands.

Maggie just held her, using their friendship as an anchor.

After the door slammed behind him Derek felt his body shake. Pacing the room he repeatedly rubbed his hands over his shaved head. She was here, right in front of me and I didn't recognise her. He realised as he wore a trench in his office. "She looked cold. What happened to her and why did it happened?" he muttered to himself.

"Why did you go?" he said plunking himself down in the chair. "Why?"

"Maybe if you didn't blow a gasket you could have asked her that?" stated Rossi from the doorway before entering the room.

"you mean pretend to not be furious with her. She just upped and left without even a word or a note. Her actions were thoughtless." he bite back as he found himself back on his feet.

"I am suppose to be her best friend and she treated me like, like...."

"Holds your horses there you are not so innocent. For months before Garcia left you barely acknowledge her let alone be her friend. You weren't so much a best friend on your part."

Morgan felt the words punch him in the chest. He knew David was right but he really wanted to vent but he couldn't he was just as guilty. Finding his chair he collapsed back into it and closed his eyes.

"your right" he said sadly.

"Of course and I suspect that might have had something to do with our girl departure or at least her desire to go."

Morgan eyes grew wide as the spoken words sunk in. "what do I do now?" he asked his voice rich with a begging tone. "How can I make things right?"

"I don't know if you can make things right. So much has happened and so much time has passed. You need to decide just what Penelope is to you before you do anything and then when you are sure you need to speak to her and listen to her. Be prepared, to have a door slammed in your face. It may take time before she will be willing to talk, if ever. Right now give her space and be available. Oh and let her know you are sorry."

With that Rossi backed out the room to give his younger friend some time to think.

Reaching their office Penelope sniffed as she grabbed the stuff she had left there less than 12 hours ago. Was it only 12 hours ago? She thought to herself as she wrapped the scarf around her bare neck. She felt exhausted physically and utterly emotionally drained. She wanted a long hot bath and a large glass of vino. She wanted to pretend that this day had never happened.

Reaching to check for her keys she started to leave.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Maggie jogging to her side.

Penelope just shrugged, too spent of emotions to even speak. "Make sure you email JJ and Emily your address when you get home. Get it over and done with. They really do care for you and you need to spill to them."

Penelope just nodded as she found her car.

Once home and as the water was running and a large glass of vino was by her side Penelope did just that, inviting them over the next day which just happened to be Saturday. Get it out the way, she told herself as she hit send.


	17. friends

A/N- so sorry for the delay, my muse went back packing around the Andes or something. Anyway here is the next instalment. I have no idea how to end this so all and any suggestions would be nice. Also I do not own Criminal minds....

Shuffling a stack of computer magazines for the umpteenth time Penelope sighed. Her whole body was one big conflict, one part wanted to run and hide whilst the other more sane part told her it was time to stand tall and explain herself.

The rap at her door brought her thoughts to a standstill. They are here, they came. Groaning with emotional angst she nervously headed over to her front door and with one large sigh she pulled the door towards her.

"Hey" said Emily staring at the shadow of her friend while JJ smiled. The two of them couldn't quite grasp the change in Garcia. They knew at heart she was still the gentle soul, warm hearted woman that was they friend but without her colour and sparkle she resembled a stranger to them.

Penelope stepped and motioned for them to come in. Walking in JJ tried not to stare to much at the deep rings of tiredness that hung below her eyes or the way her shoulders appeared slumped with the weight of the world upon them. Never before in all her years of friendship with Penelope had she felt sorrow and nerves in front of her friend.

"Nice place!" commented Emily as she took in the plain, sensible living conditions whilst at the same time yearning to see some of Penelope previous colour splashed around her.

The three woman managed to make it to the couch where upon Emily and JJ sat down on the two seater and Penelope took the solitary seat. Silence that was heavily weighted passed between them as the seconds merged into minutes.

Finally JJ spoke, "what happened P?"

"Oh where do I start?" she stated nervously.

"How about at the beginning, what made you leave?" asked Emily gently.

Penelope found herself standing up and walking towards her bay windows that gave a lovely view of the potomac river. She watched as small waves breached the surface as the current pushed and pulled them forward. She felt like one of the waves, her emotions being battered and hauled within her, trying to break the surface of her inner control.

" I needed a new start, a new me."

"By why? What was wrong with the old you?" asked JJ.

"I was in pieces, broken, dishevel. I no longer knew who I was or what I was doing. I was lost, alone!" she replied keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the turbulent waves as a tear slipped down her ashen cheek.

"Oh sweetie. How could you think that?" asked JJ as her own eyes went glassy. While Emily said, "What made you think like that Penelope?"

wiping her cheek she whispered, "Does it matter?"

In an instant the two women where at her side. JJ grabbed her hand, "If it matters to you, then it matters to us. We are your friends. You can tell us anything and we will be there for you."

"Garcia, please believe us we are not going anywhere. You are stuck with us." stated Emily rubbing her shoulder.

Penelope felt the dam burst as the tears cascaded down her cheeks and she pressed her face into JJ shoulder while Emily rubbed her back. Through the torrent of tears she stuttered out, "I couldn't be around Derek any more. I love him so much it hurt."

JJ and Emily eyes locked, the truth was now out.

"He barely looked at me for months before I left. I meant nothing to him and he meant everything to me. I knew he didn't love me but I always thought I would have his friendship then he took that away from me as well and I no longer knew who I was without him. I hated that was that dependent on a man and I knew I needed to free myself. I am sorry I didn't say goodbye but I didn't know how too and I didn't know what I would say to you guys. I knew you would stop me. I am sorry!"

JJ and Emily formed a sandwich hug and held her until the tears lessened and sobs resided.

"You are right we would have stopped you from going." said JJ

"And I would have kicked some Morgan arse" added Emily.

A sad chuckle echoed out from between Penelope lips.

"But" added Emily, "Maybe we should tell you how things have been without you. Specifically how a certain special agent has been?"


	18. truth revealed

Pouring a large glass of vino Emily handed it over to her lost friend. Wiping her rosy cheeks harshly she accepted the full glass as she perched herself on the edge of her chair.

"Since you left things have not been the same" stated JJ, taking the seat across from Penelope while Emily sat down on the arm of the sofa.

"Morgan has been stomping around like some overgrown oaf with a sore head." Emily started.

"Yeah, he has been unbearable. Rude, obnoxious, full of anger."added JJ

"I can think of at least two separate occasions when Rossi and Hotch both intervened. He was destroying himself and his career."

"And.." asked Penelope.

"The transformation occurred the moment he realised you were gone..."

"So it's my fault then for his childish behaviour." bit Penelope.

"What! No" replied Emily sliding off the arm to squeeze in beside Penelope.

"What we saying is Morgan didn't know how to be himself without you. With you gone he was lost and he handed his lost badly by behaving badly."

"for the first few weeks after you left he was numb." said JJ

"Empty" added Emily. "He just would come into work do what had to be done and left. I swear he was surviving on caffeine cause I am positive he didn't eat or sleep."

"Yeah, his clothes got loose and his eyes were rimmed red. To sum him up he was a mess, a complete state." JJ said grabbing her friend hand. "Then he got bitter and anger."

"I know we are not suppose to profile one another but at that time I would say he felt guilt and abandonment and he lashed out as a release."

"He had Tamara!" whispered Penelope chewing her lower lip.

"She was out of the picture as soon as he realised that you were gone. She meant nothing to him at the end of the day."

"Oh. I never meant to cause pain. I just thought things would be easier with me gone. People would go on with life and Derek would be happier. I never knew..."

"Of course you didn't. If you did then things would have ended up differently a long time ago." said Emily

"You are not malicious" said JJ, "Just lost!"

Penelope nodded her head as she swiped away the tears that she barely registered as falling.

"What do I do now?" she asked

"I don't know" said Emily wrapping an arm around her friends shoulder while at the same time JJ who had found herself sitting beside Penelope mirrored Emily action while saying, "I wish I knew."


	19. Clooney

A/N- thanks for all the reviews they really do make me smile and thanks for everyone who is hanging in there. Seriously my muse needs a swift kicking.

Please remember I do not own Criminal minds I am nothing but a lowly nurse- I do own pen torch, a FOB watch, a tourniquet and some bandage scissors.....

On with the show....

Dawn was barely breaking as Derek leaned his heavy head against the cool pane of glass. 'When did life get so complicated?' he muttered as Clooney nudged his hand. His cold wet tongue lashed against his palm as he found himself kneeling down beside his loyal companion.

"Why could I not have realised months ago, or even years ago that I was in love with my best friend. Why did it take me so long to wake up and smell the truth. I love her, I love Penelope." he spoke as he sought comfort from his overgrown pup.

"I have so messed things up. I am such an idiot. She is never going to want to see me again. I have lost the love of my life cause of my blindness." he continued to rant as Clooney looked up at him quizzically before bounding over to the door and pawing it.

"Do you want a walk?" he asked as he grabbed the lead and slipping into his trainers. The sun was fast arising in the East and their was a stillness to the dewy morning. Shrugging into a sweater he closed the door behind him. His feet started to pound the streets as he increased his speed while Clooney happily jogged beside his master.

His mind turning to the only woman he had ever truly loved. The one who brought colour and laughter into his life. The one who could calm his anxious heart and brighten up his dull days.

He felt the sting of tears as memories of their friendship pierced his mind. Memories of laughter and banter, of hugs and jokes. Of a warm smile and sparkly eyes. Of bright colours and sexy words. Of long lunches and movie nights. Of silly phone calls and hospitals beds.

Eventually his thoughts swanned dived into the reins of silence and long stares. Of professional phone calls and lonely lunches. Of drab days and boring nights. He knew his attitude and thoughtlessness was a significant factor in all of this. He knew he was guilty as charged. He had transformed into a monster, a thoughtless friend who just went and abandoned his best mate who also happened to be the great love of his life. He became the job and lost himself at the same time as losing Penelope.

"so Selfish" he cursed as his muscles ached with the force of the run and the lack of sleep. "I don't deserve such an amazing woman. I don't deserve happiness. I destroyed her. I am a monster not worthy of her friendship." he angrily hissed out with each breath.

The burning in his chest and calves slowed him down as Clooney panted at his side while attempting to drink from a pavement puddle. Tears mingled with the beads of sweat pulsing down his cheeks. Looking around he realised he was had ran some distance and was no longer in his part of Washington but was now in Georgetown. He suddenly flashed back to a text he had received the previous night from Emily. The message was simple, it's contents held nothing but street name and number. Reaching into his pocket he retrieved his phone and looked up the received message. Using one of his apps he realised he was only 2 blocks away from said address. Steadily and without thought his feet started to move again. The ground was quickly covered and he found himself standing outside an apartment block beside the potomac river. Grasping the lead he felt his heart race fasting than the extensive run he had just been on. Locating the correct apartment. He closed his hand into a fist and knocked.


	20. Waiting

A/N- please keep enjoying this and I hope it has not become boring....if so please let me know....

"Mmmmm" groaned Penelope as she flung her legs out of the bed, the sun was barely breaking and someone was hammering at her door. Grabbing her dressing gown and glasses she slipped both on while shuffling to her front door. Without thought she yawned as she pulled open her door.

Derek faced the door leaning with one hand against the door post. Nerves that was unheard of fluttered in his stomach. 'Will I be met with a door slammed in my face or another man opening the door,' he thought with a heavy heart as he clenched and unclenched his fists trying to release the pent up nervous energy within. He felt the colour drain from his face as his mouth went dry. Terribly dry and he knew the one way to quench his thirst was to feast upon his woman. He felt as if time had stopped as his life was fading away into a world of bleariness without his baby girl as he waited impatiently at the door as it swung open.

Her heart stopped and leaped up into her throat as her eyes grew wide in shock. Is this a dream or some random hallucination she thought as she took in the man before her. His eyes deep and of pure chocolaty goodness locked with hers. She felt the urge to touch him whilst at the same time an urge to run and hide ran through her. 'Why is he here?' she asked herself as the silence engulfed them both. 'and at such a ridiculous time in the morning?' and with that she realised she was in nothing but her bed attire and a fluffy robe. She felt naked before his eyes and pulled her robe tighter around her and swallowed deeply. Breaking the silence she spoke, "What are you doing here?"

A vision stood before him. All soft and fluffy with hair that seemed to have had a life of it's own. Her creamy skin begged to be stroked and her plump lips were tempting him. His eyes roamed her face soaking up every inch of her beauty. To him at this time of the morning she had never looked so beauty. A thought danced into his mind of what it be like to wake up beside such a beauty each and every morning. Their eyes locked and he found himself consumed by her gaze. "Why did I ever gave this up?" he cursed himself. Straighten his shoulders he heard the words fall out of her rosy mouth.

"I needed to see you." he whispered.

Crossing her arms over her chest. "Why? And at.." she said turning to glance at the clock over her shoulder. " 6am."

"I needed to see again, to see that you are real. I am sorry for the hour but I couldn't help myself. Please can I come in? We need to talk!" he blurted out feeling like he was 16 again.

A few seconds passed before she stepped back and waved him in.

"What am I doing?" she thought as she closed the door and motioned for Derek to follow her. Sitting down on one of the sofa's she tucked her legs under her and assumed a protective position. Running one hand shakily through her hair she tried to unravel some of the matt's and smooth down her wild nest of hair. She watched as Derek took the seat across the table from her. Once again silence filled the air. Silence that was heavy with fear, questions and insecurities weighed down heavily on them.

"So Derek what is it you want to say?" she asked hugging her knees and averting her eyes from his face and picking a spot on the back wall. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say or indeed whether she was ready.


	21. love is everything

A/N well I am so bad at updating, sorry about that... and thank you for all the reviews, they do make me smile. well here it is, nearly done. Hope it doesn't disappoint.

Clooney collapsed in a doggy heap at the side of Penelope Sofa . Cocking his head to the side he realised he might as well be invisible for since coming into the apartment he had to do some serious ducking and diving to avoid being stepped on. His master was seriously preoccupied with the fun, bouncy lady, well he remembered her as being both fun, smiley and giggly while definitely being bouncy. For some reason she was none of that now. Back in the day she could rival his bounce any day of the week but, now she just look sad, lonely and deflated. Yawning he lowered his head down and rested them on his paws stretched out in front of him. Maybe now that his two favourite humans were back in the same room again that things could get back to normal. He missed his master. For such a long time now he had been distant, vague and withdrawn. He thought things might have gotten better once that boring skinny woman left but alas nothing changed. His master remained vacant and distant.

Watching them he could have sworn he heard a pin drop in the apartment below, the silence was heavy. Oh come just talk he shouted to himself. Someone speak, or hug or maybe even a good old fashion belly rub. Ahhh Penelope was so good at those he recalled his eyes going glassy in remembrance when suddenly a voice broke the atmosphere.

"You just left!" Morgan stated in such a heavy dejected voice. "You were gone, not even a goodbye."

"I'm sorry but you left me a long time before that day. I could be standing before you and you would just walk right past me. I felt I had no reason to say." she said in a shaky voice as a couple of tears escaped her barrier.

Morgan felt his heart being ripped apart by her words. At that moment he hated himself more than he ever felt was possible. He felt his own eyes well up.

"I am so sorry Penelope, truly I am. I was selfish, mean and nasty. I wish I could go back and undo all the pain I caused. I don't even know why I acted the way I did but I was an arrogant fool. Please forgive this fool."

His eyes pleaded with such earnest.

"You really hurt me. My best friend left me as a wreck, why should I forgive you?" she asked sniffing away as she wiped her flushed cheek.

"You are right I don't deserve your forgiveness but please believe me when I say I am so sorry. Losing you made me realise that I am nothing without you. I merely existed with you gone. You was and are my everything and I have no one but myself to blame for all the pain and sorrow that was suffered." he felt the adrenaline leave his weary body and he stood up.

"I should be going. I don't want to intrude."

Penelope watched him stand with wide eyes while Clooney groaned he was comfy where he was. Derek started to head towards the door when a soft nervous voice stopped him.

"what do you mean I am your everything?"

Standing still with his back to her he spoke with confidence, "Baby girl I love you."

She felt her heart stop for a few beats as her breath hitched in her throat as she clutched the arm of the chair. "Say it again?" she whispered pushing herself forward.

Slowly turning round Derek spoke again with great strength and conviction. "I LOVE YOU!"

he came face to face with a wide eyed Penelope whose eyes where now racking over his whole face searching out the truth. She was so close he instinctively reached out and touched her fingers.

"I love you" he said again taking a step forward, noticing how Penelope didn't step away he felt boldness grow within him. "I love you and only you"

Penelope swallowed deeply as he entered her personal space and she found herself welcoming him.

"Baby girl" he breathed as his face came mere inches from her own. Without thought and with heart she closed the short distance and let her lips sink into his. She felt herself being pulled closer into his tight embrace. His strong arms held her snugly while her own arms snaked their way up his chest where she now was clasping onto bunches of his sweaty t- shirt. She felt her world spin off axis while realigning itself in one fluid movement. As their broke apart she felt herself again, she felt alive.

Derek couldn't believe it when Penelope had kissed him and they was no way he was going to miss this opportunity. Kissing her was like kissing home. Everything felt alive, everything felt right. His world became his own again. He never wanted to let her go. Her taste, her touch was all consuming and he wanted to be consumed. But as the need for oxygen overwhelmed them he found himself staring down at such a beauty and it was her words that made the tears flow freely.

"I love you and forgive you" she whispered to the man before her in all truth and clarity.


	22. Epilogue

A/N~ alas it must come to an end. * sigh* Huge thanks and hugs for all who read this and to all my reviewers. You guys make this so worth while. I hope this flows well as I struggled a lot about how to end this. So please sit back and enjoy the end....

Epilogue....

The past 6 months had been a trampoline of emotions for Derek and Penelope. They had allowed themselves to feel love and in return love and as a consequence neither of them had ever been so vulnerable and exposed, their hearts and souls on display for all to see. Despite this their relationship blossomed.

It had taken much time and many steps back for trust to flow easily from both parties. Each had firmly gripped onto their insecurities and fears for far too long. Both had the overwhelming fear of abandonment. But with determination and the love in their hearts they pushed past the barriers and knocked down the walls to where they now stood. And today they stood hand in hand, side by side emotionally closer than every before. The wind whipping Penelope blond locks that curled and bounced on her shoulders while it also tried to flip her satiny purple dress with red poppies on it. The man at her side stood tall and relaxed. His body language warm and inviting. Together they watched clooney play in the surf as they walked along the sandy cove. The sun was shining not just in the sky but also in their hearts. Penelope found herself leaning in to her fiancé, her head on his shoulders. Sighing she peeked up to his smiling face and instinctively she leaned up and gently kissed the underneath of his jaw where a fine stumble was foresting.

Derek slid an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Her scent assaulting his senses causing his heart to flip. She was his as much as he was hers..All that time apart was time wasted. Time that could have been put to much better and much more fun use. With his 'baby girl' at his side he felt free and alive. He felt strong and whole. He knew that with Penelope he was becoming the man he was suppose to be. His life was falling into place. Asking Penelope to be his wife, to spend forever with him was as natural to him as breathing and he was not going to waste any more valuable time. Forever was starting now and each day would be forever.

As they walked Penelope fingered the flowery diamond on her left hand. She was living her dream. She was loved by the man of her dreams and she marrying him. Since that early morning revelation her life had gotten back on track. Her true personality shone through as loud as the colours that she adored. She restored baby girl and with that her confidence flooded back. The BAU had offered her old job back with a raise and a capable assistant in Tammy. And now she was back home with her some what dysfunctional yet amazing family. She had retained her friends more so Maggie from her hiatus as she was now referring to that time as being. She was surrounded by the people who cared for her and loved her none more so than the man at her side. All in all Penelope was happy and she now knew that she no longer had to ask that question of_ what to do now?_

_FIN_


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